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Joke of the Day

"Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked."

"Why did the calf cross the road? To get to the udder side"

"Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some shit."

"What's heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds."

"Instead of John I call my bathroom Jim, that way it sounds better when I say I went to the Jim first thing this morning."

"Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on the windscreen. It said, ""Parking fine"", so that was nice."

"What does a hippy say when you ask him to leave? Namaste"

"If I ever go missing.. you should put my picture on beer rather than milk bottles. This way, my friends will find me faster."

"What is a long distance love? It's when you're in the office, bed is at home and whiskey is in the bar."

"Why don't dirty commies shower? Because they don't want to wash away their Marx."