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Joke of the Day

"[NSFW] My new girlfriend just introduced me to her fetish.... I didn't want to tell anyone, but I just had to get this shit off my chest."

"""Sir, do you have any dietary restrictions?"" *unbuttons pants* ""Not anymore!"""

"Does anybody know the name of that Godzilla Movie? It's the one where another monster actually breaks one of Godzilla's legs. I can't remember the name of the movie, but it has a huge cast."

"What does watching golf and a giant spinning dildo have in common? They both bore the fuck out of you."

"Did you hear about the butcher that backed into his meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work."

"I've got a circle with a vertical line through it on my bedroom ceiling It's my hi-phi"

"Why is the sea salty? Because when it waves, you never wave back!"

"Why do men die before their wives? - They want to."

"*zip-lines through your living room window* *shakes off the broken glass* YO! DO YOU LIKE BRAD PITT BETTER WITH SHORT OR LONG HAIR!?"

"MISSING: Black and white cat with red collar. Very, very intelligent. Mittens, if you're reading this, please come home......."