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Joke of the Day

"My parents taught me that if I tried hard I could be anything I wanted to be. Sure they just meant for Halloween, but it was still nice."

"Did you know that protons have mass? >Yes Well I didn't even know they were Catholic!"

"Why do Hipsters wear long pants in the summer They are doing it before it's cool"

"like my grandfather did, i want to die peacefully in my sleep... ...not screaming and yelling like his passengers"

"*4yo son, crying* I'm sorry! How was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to cook the macaroni necklace? *sigh* Parenting is hard."

"Never judge a book by it's cover....."

"Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro? They can never seem to beat the Straights of Magellan."

"""The prisoner is walking down the stairs,"" Tom said condescendingly. ""It's 9:59,"" Tom said pretentiously. ""I have split personality disorder,"" Tom said being frank."

"It's not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick."

"I may not be able to out run the zombies when they come, but this cheeseburger is going to make me taste great"