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Joke of the Day

"My parents taught me that if I tried hard I could be anything I wanted to be. Sure they just meant for Halloween, but it was still nice."

"My ex is going to make some guy very happy one day but completely miserable the rest of the time."

"How do you pick up a Jewish girl? With a dust pan."

"I made you a cake. I also ate it for you."

"I'm 28 years old, but in marriage years, I'm already dead."

"Never let your friends feel lonely! disturb them at all times!"

"George R.R. martins House words should be ""Book is coming"" because he keeps saying it but it never seems to actually happen."

"What's the best part of split-pea soup? The cut up peaness."

"Know how the iPhone 6+ was invented by men? Only men would call something that measures 5.5 inches, ""six plus"""

"Which is heavier: a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Depends on which weigh you think about it"