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Joke of the Day

"Did you know Hellen Keller had a dog? Neither did she."

"I buy my guns from a man named ""T-Rex"" He's a small arms dealer"

"What do you call a reptile that works as a detective? An investigator."

"You can tell by a woman's feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you."

"Students, unfollow me now. Tonight's drunk subtweets might sting a little. Especially you Britney. Your lab report was a pile of dog shit."

"What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms? One is a good year, the other is a great year."

"Last night I got so drunk I spent an hour apologizing to a tree for saying it's bark was worse than it's bite."

"Why don't women get hit by trains? There is no railroad tracks between the living room and the kitchen."

"Today's a beautiful day... After all, nothing beats Mayweather."

"Tug boats hate when their mom comes in their room without knocking."