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Joke of the Day

"*sees guy ordering pizza* ""With onion"" (Ok) ""Sausage"" (Nice) ""Mushroom"" (Hell yea) ""Chk"" (Plz) ""Meatballs"" (Why) ""Anchovies"" (Ur dead to me)"

"Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out, man"

"Surgeon: I'll be taking out your appendix today Me: [stomach rumbles] Surgeon: [puts stethoscope to my tummy] Appendix: I have a boyfriend"

"Where do you find a dog with no arms and no legs? Right where you left it."

"David Hasselhoff calls his Agent and demands, ""I want everyone to call me The Hoff from now on."" His Agent says, ""Sure. No hassle."""

"""Is it in yet???"" -My ATM, mocking me."

"I auditioned for a TV show for people with broken bones. I didn't make the cast."

"News: Don't panic about Ebola, but please watch this nonstop coverage about how it could spread everywhere and kill you. Don't panic though."

"Q: How do you get a Polak out of the bath tub? A: Throw in a bar of soap."

"How did Satan turn an unbeliever holy? He scared the hell out of him."