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Joke of the Day

"""The world needs an arbiter of good taste and common sense, and I am fully qualified for that job."" - every living human"

"What do you call the Moon spirit that at once sits upon a lake of glowing jade and exists nestled within our divine souls? Altha'or syzygena"

"Are your pants from outer space or is your butt just out of this world?"

"Don't let the door hit you on the way out! *guy looks back and laughs, the door punches him in the back of the head*"

"How do you organize a party in space? You planet."

"I was fired after falling asleep on personal documents. Apparently you can't lie on your resume."

"Why will the next IPhones be the hottest best selling phones? Because they'll be sexy(6c) and a success(6s)"

"Have you heard about that new movie with the poop? Constipated? Naw, that's never gonna come out."

"I think my neighbor is stalking me... I saw her googling my name through my telescope."

"What do you call the vehicle used to carry Henry VIII's second wife to the hospital? An Anne-Boleyn-ce."