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Joke of the Day

"""The world needs an arbiter of good taste and common sense, and I am fully qualified for that job."" - every living human"

"2 peanuts walk into a bar... One was a salted"

"Q. Where does a fish keep his money A. In the River Bank!"

"What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? one can wash their crack and re-sell it!"

"I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them."

"Gift cards are another way of saying, don't spend this on dope."

"My voicemail greeting: Hey, it's me. Please hang up and text me."

"What's the worst kind of media? chlamydia"

"There's no 'i' in team... No, but there's a 'u' in cunt!"

"Do hamburgers make good vampires? No because they always find themselves in ghoulash situations!"