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Joke of the Day

"It's not the size of the ship nor the motion in the ocean...it's whether the Captain can stay in port long enough for all the passengers to get off.."

"What does Yao Ming stand for? When he sits down it takes too long to get back up."

"Oh, you're a fan of The Chainsmokers? Name 3 chains they've smoked"

"Two tomatoes are sitting in a refrigerator One turns to the other and says: ""It's really cold in here"". and the other one says: [""JESUS CHRIST A TALKING TOMATO!!""](/spoiler)"

"I was told I couldn't change religion because I wasn't circumcised .. Guess I'm just not cut out to be a Jew."

"First came up with this joke when I was 5 and it's still the funniest thing I've ever said. Q. What do you call a line of Barbies? A. A Barbecue!"

"What's even worse than five dead babies in a dustbin? One dead baby in five dustbins."

"Have you heard of the Greek version of monopoly? It's called Monopopolous, and you just borrow all the money from the bank. Everybody loses"

"I can't be the only one that sees the day when a direct message from a catfish is called carp DM."

"I gave up cursing for lent The next day I went over to confession and told my priest, ""I hope I don't fuck this shit up."""