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Joke of the Day

"Two tomatoes are sitting in a refrigerator One turns to the other and says: ""It's really cold in here"". and the other one says: [""JESUS CHRIST A TALKING TOMATO!!""](/spoiler)"

"Why a woman doesn't make sense to a man... Actually they make 77 cents to a man."

"Do hairy people get bed head all over? Ma'am, I just called to see if you're happy with your cell phone provider. But probably they do."

"Do people who happily announce their pregnancy know they are going to be stuck with a baby afterwards?"

"What's the difference between a Baptist and a Methodist? A Methodist will say hi when he sees you at the liquor store."

"Just googled ""sensible cars"" if anyone wants to share an applesauce cup with me at the retirement home."

"I had the shingles on my house redone, and the contractor lied to me about his pricing. I was expecting it to be done for free; he said it was going to be on the house."

"Ever heard the phrase"" Do you live under a rock?"" Ever wonder why Patrick Star is so dumb? Well its because he literally lives under a rock."

"What do you call two jalapenos getting it on? Fucking hot!"

"Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V"