24000

Joke of the Day

"Why did Churchill always beat Hitler with scissors in rock, paper, scissors? Because he knew Hitler always threw paper."

"I saw a movie trailer about 30 trapped chillean miners... Apparently Jared from subway had a stash... (I'm so sorry about this, I just thought of it and needed to get it out)"

"I spent all of last night trying to remember the Roman numerals for 51, 6, and 500 and couldn't.... ...I'm so LIVID right now."

"Don't tell me you're fat because obesity runs in your family... Not a damn thing has ever run in your family."

"How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Not sure, first they have to figure out which way to spin it."

"I bet a zombie would be really, really disappointed to find out a ""brainstorm"" is not really a storm of brains."

"On earth: A magician puts his hand in his hat. In the rabbit realm: The Hand emerges. It is time. The rabit council must choose another sacrifice."

"[cop taps on my fogged up car window on make-out hill] ME: *alone holding a huge steamy bucket of fried chicken* what's the problem officer"

"Why was there a whale in Wales in a well? We're not sure, its a deep subject...."

"Black History Month should be called ""Four Weeks Of Morgan Freeman's Voiceover Work"""