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Joke of the Day

"*gives date flowers* Here. I murdered these plants for you."

"I believe in God and have a sense of humor about it. But when you insist that makes me an idiot, you sound as tolerant as Mel Gibson."

"""What's funny?"" The microwave beeping as you walked backwards. ""Why's that funny?"" Because large objects beep going in reverse, Diane."

"What does a gay horse eat? Haaaaaaaaayyyyy! Sounds better with a stereotypical SOA biker voice. I'll show myself out."

"Sorry, there's a technical problem preventing me from RTing your tweets. Technically they're not funny."

"A guy with crossed eyes.. ..got stuck between a tree."

"Why was the bi-sexual man so healthy? Because he ate plenty of fruits and vag."

"How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They can't get up that high!"

"If my next of kin takes a nap.. Can i call him Napkin?"

"I can't believe the fired me at the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in."