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Joke of the Day

"*gives date flowers* Here. I murdered these plants for you."

"I actually like the smell of moth balls, but it's so hard to hold them still without hurting their little wings."

"I was reading the book ""Great Expectations"" by Charles Dickens. It wasn't as good as I hoped it would be."

"Damn bro, judging by your handshake I would hate to be your d*ck."

"Cop: Do you know how fast you were going? Me: I was trying to keep up with traffic. Cop: There`s no traffic. Me: That`s how far behind I am!"

"I saw a sign that said ""watch for children"" and I thought, ""That sounds like a fair trade."""

"My thoughts today are like underwear, I don't have any clean ones."

"You don't realize how much you miss someone until they come back from the dead."

"I was gonna make a joke about Alzheimers.. ..but I forgot what it was."

"I consider myself a dog person I love ass in my face"