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Joke of the Day

"Autocorrect changed honey to homey. Now, instead of going out to a romantic dinner we will be doing a drive-by."

"What did the black dude say when his hippie girlfriend asked him to go to burning man with her? Namaste here"

"911: whats your emergency Me: Come quick, my son has swallowed a condom*Click 911: whats your emergency Me: It's ok, found another one."

"Fifty Shades of Grey. In anticipation for the release of Fifty Shades of Grey, many theaters have installed more powerful ventilation systems to compensate for the smell."

"Awesome Comeback Teacher: Where the hell is your math homework?! Me: it committed suicide, had too many problems."

"Where does the president keep his armies? In his sleavies."

"Why did the Stormtrooper buy an iPhone? He couldn't find the droid he was looking for."

"The only kind of meat a priest can eat on a Friday..... is nun."

"You know that one relative that is annoying AF and no one in the family can tolerate? Yeah, she's staying at my house this week."

"I ordered a pizza. I don't think the guy understood how to get here. Is it free if it's 5 years late?"