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Joke of the Day

"If a murderous killing machine came back from the future.. And calculated all matrices. Would he be the Determinator?"

"Ugly girls shouldn't be allowed to get pretty girl tattoos. Like instead of butterflies they should have to get pterodactyls."

"My wife is so married that she even stopped blowing out the candles on her birthday cake cause she doesn't want me gettin' any ideas."

"The liquor store cashier asked me my birth date so I said ""12-25-0000"", and stared into his eyes majestically."

"Why did Einstein refuse to help people fix their cars? Because his colleagues would call him the Quantum Mechanic."

"Listen buddy, I never said they were for sale. I just put the ""FRESH EGGS"" sign in my yard to brag"

"Did you hear about the Candy Factory they opened on the East Coast? It closed after a month... they couldn't find any good wrappers."

"What does Tim Cook have for breakfast in the morning? Not Apple Jacks"

"Single people think marriage is just a word ... Once you are married you realize it's a sentence."

"I've lost all ability to feel... I'm numb.... I'm starting to slip away... I look forward to the empty, meaningless void Now pull the damn tooth, Doctor"