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Joke of the Day

"The liquor store cashier asked me my birth date so I said ""12-25-0000"", and stared into his eyes majestically."

"TIL Condoms have serial numbers.. ..but I've never rolled one down far enough to find out.."

"How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb? Zero. Let that bitch cook in the dark"

"Why does Saudi Arabia import so many camels from Australia? They've got to get their 72 virgins *somewhere*"

"Old witch: Now I know you want a job with me. Do you tell lies? Young witch: No but I can pick it up."

"What do you call Brienne's Dad? Tarth Vader."

"My wife told me that I am very controlling. She'll stay locked in the closet with the dog collar on until she apologizes for her comment."

"Baby come over. I'm coming over. Using walkie talkies in bed is strange over."

"My grandma sent the entire newspaper to me in the subject line of an email."

"Get a hair cut, run away without paying. They can't chase you because they're holding scissors. The perfect crime."