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Joke of the Day

"A flying pig defecated on me today. I shit you not."

"What is the highest point in Israel? Mountain Dew."

"Dating in your thirties is like finding a parking spot, the only way to get one is to follow them out to their car."

"I'm so single my cat has a cat."

"Some asshole has got my pen is what the nurse said when she noticed she had a rectal thermometer in her pocket. edit: punctuation."

"Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies."

"Why is George Bush always on the bottom when having sex? Because he can only fuck up!"

"I tried to change my password to mypenis But it said it was too long."

"You're not going to believe this CLICK BAITED SUCKAHS"

"Dear people who manually retweet, I hope the next time you're about to get laid someone steps in and does it for you"