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Joke of the Day

"Dating in your thirties is like finding a parking spot, the only way to get one is to follow them out to their car."

"If you're going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10, don't be open."

"I found a great app to search for Greek restaurants in your neighborhood. It's called Gyroscope."

"Why are foodfights forbidden in japanese schools? The children always end up with lice in their hair."

"I had two gorgeous cats... One was called Idonknow and the other Idonremember. Unfortunately, idonremember jumped from the Golden Gate bridge and died. Which dog remained alive?"

"I gave my family moving pictures for Christmas today. They were great gifs"

"What do you call a chicken with lettuce in its eyes? Chicken ceaser salad."

"You'll never get hemorrhoids... because you're a perfect asshole."

"Whats the difference between a canoe and a jew? One tips the other doesn't."

"They say one in every 3 neighbors is a pedophile Thankfully there isn't one next to me... just 2 smoking hot 6 year olds."