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Joke of the Day

"I don't hate you, but if you we're drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck."

"What's the difference between Tony Abbott and a coffee machine?... One is a cold heartless machine, used by everyone... ...And the other is useful with a Cafe. Gnite folks!"

"Why isn't energy made of atoms? It doesn't matter (go ahead and down vote :P)"

"What do you call a girl gamer that always pirates her games?? A crack whore."

"A blond and a brunette jump off the empire state building... Who lands first? The brunette. The blond had to stop and ask for directions."

"What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? their middle name"

"The inauguration ceremony should be like the olympics. They can play the US national anthem, then the Russian one."

"I'll date any guy that can digest a seagull faster than me."

"What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy makes your cock feel nice and makes you cum, a cunt is who owns the pussy."

"I actually loved the Twilight: Eclipse movie until I realized I was actually in an alley drunk watching two cats fight over a dead mouse."