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Joke of the Day

"Wife: [holding old dog] I thought you took care of this yesterday Stormtrooper husband: *looks out back to see gun marks all over the yard*"

"What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We're closed."

"What Did the Fish Say When He Swam into a Wall? Damn."

"Sex is kinda like pizza... It tastes better without rubber."

"What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust."

"I got a new stick of deodorant today The instructions said ""Remove cap and push up bottom"". I can barely walk now but when I fart the room smells lovely."

"My wife asked me to stop singing Oasis songs I said ""Hey, this would be a great joke to repost!"""

"My sergeant just told me this... Im going to get an old car, take a sledge hammer to the back bumper repeatedly , then get a bumper sticker that says ""I brake for tailgaters."""

"If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were in a car accident, who would survive? America."

"A co-worker is retiring, so they're passing a card around filled with cash. I only took $10 but normally my signature is worth much more."