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Joke of the Day

"I got a new stick of deodorant today The instructions said ""Remove cap and push up bottom"". I can barely walk now but when I fart the room smells lovely."

"Light a man a fire... Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night. Light a man afire and he'll be warm the rest of his life. (I know it's a repost, but I've never seen the play on words, shame)"

"2 nazis walk into a bar, third one ducks.. just at the reich moment."

"Not to sound like a total jock but who won baseball this month?"

"Bee population worldwide is exploding. What a time to be a hive."

"Rik Mayall jokes What does a man with a two-foot cock have for breakfast? This morning I had a boiled egg. Why did the pervert cross the road? He couldn't get his knob out of the chicken. RIP"

"How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it! How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way!"

"WTF VAMPIRE BATS WILL VOMIT BLOOD INTO MOUTHS OF SICK BATS 2 KEEP THEM ALIVE THATS DOPE AF & STILL A BETTER LOVESTORY THAN TWILIGHT"

"What's the difference between Rob Ford and a circus sideshow freak? One's a fat, ugly, disturbing waste of money. The other's married to a bearded lady."

"she told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt... so I fucked her twice and punched her in the mouth."