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Joke of the Day

"is actually feeling pretty okay about not accomplishing anything this year."

"*beats a guitar hero song on expert mode* *changes Twitter bio to ""musician/songwriter""*"

"I burnt a lot of calories today... I set a fat kid on fire."

"How do you sum up a cashew? In a nutshell!"

"Joint Facebook accounts are the couples sitting on the same side of the booth of the internet."

"I'm so out of shape Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me"

"A guy kept telling his girlfriend not to turn her head away near the end of a blow job...... Did she listen ? Nope..... it went in one ear and out the other"

"How do you make an elephant float? Take a cup and add root beer, two scoops of ice cream, and an elephant"

"I recognize that Rome wasn't built in a day but I'm not trying to build Rome, I just want to to enjoy onion rings without gaining weight."

"Died A man wanted to fart for very long but couldnt for one or another reason. Finally he gets to fart when he approaches home. He farts to bad that he died of his own fart."