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Joke of the Day

"I burnt a lot of calories today... I set a fat kid on fire."

"Damn girl, are you a condom? Because after I get you off my D, I never want to see you again."

"After being made bishop, a man is asked what his next move will be. Diagonal."

"Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?"

"Why was jesus great at rock climbing? He could find foot and hand holes"

"Come forth... God: John,come forth and you shall receive eternal life! But john came third and won a toaster."

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

"For Halloween I'm giving out razor blades with candy in them. These kids'll be shaving away and then BAM - nougat everywhere."

"How do you make holy water? You take ordinary tap water and boil the hell out of it."

"What's the difference between a white girl and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking when you smack it."