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Joke of the Day

"*beats a guitar hero song on expert mode* *changes Twitter bio to ""musician/songwriter""*"

"What's the difference between being hungry and being horny? Where you put the cucumber...."

"34 of the A-Team have just launched a valiant rescue mission I heard they were just trying to save Face after their last failure, though."

"A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I said, ""That's the last thing I need."""

"Yo momma is so fat her butt is the butt of every joke."

"Every time the media has to report on Trump they should misspell his name and call him Mr. Turnip until he loses his mind completely"

"[introducing you to my family] ""this is my son Carson, my daughter Boatdaughter, & our dog Motorcyclepet"""

"Why did the hillbilly cross the road? Because he couldn't get his dick out the chicken"

"In the Navy, how do you separate the men from the boys? With a crowbar."

"Everybody in the village agreed that I did an excellent job of sewing their mouths shut. After I left, they were humming my praises."