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Joke of the Day

"What does a 500 pound parakeet say? ""TWEET!!!"" * [Source1](http://i.imgur.com/9HEfWT1.jpg) * [Source2](http://i.imgur.com/JR1VTA0.jpg)"

"Why did the hovering guitarist always look worried? He was always fretting over something or other..."

"An Englishmen, a Scotsman and a Irishman went to a bar. They all had to leave because the Englishman wanted to go."

"Hey ladies, you realize that you're not required to look at every mirror you come across, right?"

"On the anniversary of Harambe's death... the Cincinnati Zoo should have special deals all day. Discounts for Harambe."

"Weird scene in The Hobbit where Peter Jackson walks through the middle of the set and takes a 45-minute shit with the door open."

"What's the worst thing about being Thai? Everyone automatically assumes you have a small dick, even though you're a female."

"What I need is to find a woman who loves me for my money ... but doesn't understand maths. - Mike Birbiglia"

"Crowded elevators smell different to midgets."

"Why did the elephant paint itself lots of different colors. So that it could hide in the crayon box. Courtesy of my 4 y/o niece."