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Joke of the Day

"Why did the hovering guitarist always look worried? He was always fretting over something or other..."

"How does every racist joke start? With a look over your shoulder."

"How to kill a spider: get a piece of tissue paper, approach it slowly, and very carefully, burn the house down."

"Jimmy was blowing bubbles in the bathtub... then Bubbles got up and left."

".@Starbucks it is 2014 why don't you sell pickles"

"I wish todays youth had to endure the humiliation of having your dad pick up the landline phone and start dialing while you're talking on it"

"Try to think of a world without hypotheticals. You can't."

"[During Sex] ""Hurry up, this isn't really my house."""

"Nothing's more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me."

"cow: where does milk come from? me: *laughs* cow: *laughs* farmer: *laughs* milk man: *laughs* everyone: *laughs* cow: but no, seriously."