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Joke of the Day

"My Favorite Politician Quote (not sure if this belongs here but what the hell) ""Madam, I may be drunk but you're ugly, and in the morning I'll be sober."" - Winston Churchill"

"The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of beer per year. That's 41 miles per gallon...which is not bad."

"Went to McDonald's and ordered a Happy Meal .... didn't work ... still grumpy."

"Why does ISIS wear condoms when they have sex? So they can fuck two goats at once!"

"I was talking to a hot North African girl for hours. We just clicked"

"I'm addicted to Nun porn... It's a bad habit."

"Diets are like ghosts. They might exist, but I wouldn't know."

"Having big boobs because you're fat is like having a fast car because it's falling off a cliff"

"If you've ever wondered what it's like to try to dress a jelly fish, here, try to get pants on my toddler"

"A man once thought he'd discovered a new primary color but it proved to be merely a pigment of his imagination."