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Joke of the Day

"My friends keep saying, ""If Trump wins, I'm leaving the country!"" But I think Carlos, Jose, and Alejandro are all talk."

"Sadly, at 8:11 PM Mark Jones was mispronounced dead. [at hospital] Doctor: I'm afraid this man has deed. Am I saying that right? He's deed."

"Did you hear about the new German microwave? It seats 8."

"Why do cavemen drag their women by their hair? Because if you drag them by their feet their cunts fill up with mud."

"Something I told my mom when I was 6... Me: I know what planet has a black hole! Mom: Which one? Me: Uranus"

"Finishing up my time machine. Bolting down the flux capacitor now. I'll start small and go back a couple of seconds just to see if it works."

"What would bears be without bees? Ears!"

"The only way to make a cat like you is to cancel plans with them and ignore their text messages."

"Knock Knock Who's there ? Chuck ! Chuck who ? Chuck in a sandwich for lunch"

"""My lips are sealed."" -Virgins."