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Joke of the Day
"The only way to make a cat like you is to cancel plans with them and ignore their text messages."
Next Joke
"I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather. Not screaming and flailing about, like his passengers."
"How to keep a man happy: 1) Phone him 86 times a day 2) Wail hysterically 3) Be needy 4) Never sleep with him 5) Buy yourself shoes"
"My grandpa has the heart of a lion, And a lifetime ban from the zoo."
"What's a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it's R but his first love will always be the C."
"I'm about as excited for hilary to be president, as Bill is when he sees her naked."
"I've been at this elementary school talent show for half an hour and I've already heard ""Shake It Off"" 137 times."
"A dung beetle walks into a bar. He says, ""Is this stool taken?"""
"Are you gonna eat that... or just take pictures?"
"A man walks into the zoo. The only animal there is a dog. It's a shitzu."