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Joke of the Day

"Okay, vampires are invisible in mirrors, I totally get that. But, come on, their clothes?!? #science"

"What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair"

"The Magician The magician said he would disappear on the count of three. He counted uno...dos...but he was gone without a tres."

"A computer developer after spending time with his girlfriend And after he makes love to her he tells her that they're compatible together and to not update the drivers"

"Did you hear about the boy born with no eyelids? Doctors decided to make some for him out of his foreskin. They say that the boy is doing fine now, but he's a little cock-eyed."

"A cool thing about me is that I have 3 academic degrees and only several more dollars in the bank"

"WHEN CATS ARE SAD Bartender: What'll ya have? Cat: Shot of rum. [Bartender pours it] [Cat slowly pushes it off the bar] Cat: Another."

"a blonde and an african walked into a bar, the african said he did a lot of hardwork to come to the states the blonde agreed!!"

"Do people who bring bikes on the subway know about riding bikes?"

"If I had a time machine I'd take 17 dollars to 1901 and buy several luxurious homes. Related: does anyone have a time machine and 17 dollars"