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Joke of the Day

"I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed."

"Many racist Trump supporters were stung by Clinton's speech calling them a ""basket of deplorables."" The rest had to go look up ""deplorable."""

"WAITER: soup or salad? CLARK KENT: *sweating nervously* just a REGULAR salad for a REGULAR guy please ha ha. nothing super about it..."

"I just found out that people can still read words when they're in parentheses and holy shit do I have a bunch of apologies to write."

"English is hard to understand It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though."

"What do you call phrases that Jews often say? Judaisms."

"Kourtney Kardashian named her daughter 'Penelope Scotland Disick'. In a related story, Scotland intends to change name of country ASAP."

"Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple store? For the watch"

"Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide? He got himself into a real stew."

"LAWYER: [whispers] i did the murder [loudly] read that back? STENOGRAPHER: ""I Did The Murder."" JUDGE: omg the stenographer just confessed"