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Joke of the Day

"Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ? Because he likes to hoe hoe hoe"

"[zoo] Hey dad, where are mountain lions from? *dad panics* -Uhh...you see, son, when a mountain and a lion love each other very much..."

"How does a Snowman get to work? By icicle."

"What did the 0 say to the 8? ... Hey, nice belt.."

"Worst idea you'll ever have is oiling your 4 year-old's squeaky bedroom door. Congratulations, you just made a ninja."

"I'm thinking 'FUCK YOU' real loud at the people around me right now & they don't have a clue. I'm owning them so hard & they have no idea."

"New Year's Resolution 2016p"

"Every day, I win arguments from 10 years ago in the shower."

"I'm considering funding a scientific study to determine why every car somehow looks like the one you're waiting for a ride from."

"Why didn't they just call ""Ant-Man"" Uncle? Credit to Steve Higgins from The Tonight Show."