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Joke of the Day

"I asked my buddy if he wanted me to feed his dog real quick before we left He said back to me, ""Nah, fuck it."" I don't know why he tried kicking my ass, I was just doing what he said."

Next Joke
 
"Can I integrate myself with respect to you?"
"[Drives date home] ME [stops and revs engine sexily] I had a great time tonight DATE: [climbs off my lawnmower] I did not"
"i've got a pilot's licence... and i'm not giving it back to him. luckily he's too drunk to notice."
"My eyebrows were just trimmed during my haircut so I'm officially 80."
"A redditor and his friend, Elle, walk into a bar... The redditor notices a jar of mayonnaise on the bar, so he says, ""Hey, Elle, a mayo!"""
"What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a Vagina? A vagina is attatched to Bill Clintons wife"
"why wouldn't the black pencil write on the white paper? it was erase-ist"
"A man started telling people he was a piece of fruit. Everyone was convinced he was bananas"
"Why are atheists so light? They have no mass."