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Joke of the Day

"[Drives date home] ME [stops and revs engine sexily] I had a great time tonight DATE: [climbs off my lawnmower] I did not"

"I'd hate to play baseball with the witches from Macbeth. Because I don't like playing baseball with girls."

"Girl, are you organized? Because I want to get on your ToDo list!"

"I'm proud say you will never guess who has been sober for 10 years. Ted Kennedy."

"Why did the man get excited when he had sex with a pregnant woman? He could tell all his friends he had a threesome!"

"What kind of bear likes the rain? A drizzley bear."

"Role-Playing I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to experiment with a role playing rape fantasy. She said, ""No!"" I replied, ""That's the spirit!"""

"Son, i don't think you are cut out to be a mime. Son: Was it something I said?"

"Where did Cookie Monster develop PTSD? Viet-nom nom nom nom nom."

"Have you guys heard what kind of oil Fort McMurray is into these days? Turmoil"