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Joke of the Day
"If our feet had mouths then they'd be walkie talkies."
Next Joke
"What was so great about being a black jew? They already thought you were burnt"
"Wife: ""Take me to bed or lose me forever."" Husband: *Thinks about it for 45 minutes*"
"My kids and I are exact opposites. They cry when I walk away, and I cry when they walk towards me."
"Sometimes my dog barks so loud she farts which coincidentally is also Donald Trump's foreign policy platform. (Also his domestic platform.)"
"Where do dogs go when they lose their tails? To a retail store."
"Things that cause extreme panic: - Accidentally liking a Tweet - No milk - Unknown numbers - The question ""you don't remember me do you?"""
"I read that having sex every day for a year could transform your marriage. It worked so well I'm thinking of suggesting it to my wife."
"Imagine trying to explain Captain America: Civil War to Abraham Lincoln."
"When life gives you Marmaduke... make marmalade."