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Joke of the Day

"A 79 year old pirate has his next birthday this morning.... he wakes up and says to his crew, ""AYE-matey!"""

"Riding up in the elevator with a bunch of children. So much screaming & crying. You'd think one of them would ask me what the hell's wrong."

"The doctor said to treat my daughter's scratch with alcohol, so I kissed it."

"I may have Alzheimer's but at least I don't have Alzheimer's."

"What do you get if you combine your mom and a giraffe? A fat giraffe"

"I asked a beautiful Chinese girl for her number. She replied, ""Sex sex sex free sex tonight"". I said, ""Wow"". Then her friend speaks: ""She means 6663629""."

"Those days I only knew six words if you count muther fucker as two."

"Do nomads ever get angry?"

"Why was the washing machine laughing? Because it was taking the piss out of the undies"

"What's brown and rhymes with snoop?"