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Joke of the Day

"I have a huge gash in my forehead. I'm going to assume I got up in the middle of the night, fought some crime, and went back to bed."

"Some people like instant gratification but I prefer mine brewed slowly from freshly ground gratification beans"

"[Wrench factory] BOSS: I'm proud to say it's been 250 days without an injury! WORKERS: *celebrate by tossing all the wrenches into the air *"

"Your options when you want to backup your data... If you want to backup your data, you've got only 2 options. NAS or NSA."

"How do you describe someone who has a boner when they are at their workplace? Hard at work"

"Matt Schaub and Eli Manning walk into a bar. What happened? They order a beer sampler and the bartender tells them to pick 6."

"I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger, and then it hit me."

"What's a Hitler Youth's favorite video game? Meincraft"

"Travel Agent: Hello sir! Interested in a vacation? Me: *puts cat on the phone* [20 mins later] Travel Agent: I've got you booked for Maui"

"A saying of love. If you love her, let her go. If she returns, anal."