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Joke of the Day

"Matt Schaub and Eli Manning walk into a bar. What happened? They order a beer sampler and the bartender tells them to pick 6."

"Greatest days of my life: 3) Day I got married 2) Day my first kid was born 1) Day Facebook let you turn off notifications for their games"

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? AYEE ya thought it be ARRR but it be the 'C'!"

"ME: I hit my neighbors car. CAT: I killed my last 4 owners. ME: YOU CAN TALK! CAT: ... ME: Wait, what did you just say? CAT: *blinks*"

"If you're pissed off about a non-white Santa Claus then I've got some very bad news for you about Jesus."

"Excuse miss can you tell me does this rag smell like chloroform?"

"Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now."

"What's long and black? The unemployment line"

"I know this is a long shot, but any super-attractive men and women out there also self-confessed ""nerds?"""

"Me: Can I bring my wife? Travel Agent: Of course Me: But I'm hetero. Does that matter? Travel Agent: Do you think I'm saying Gayman Islands?"