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Joke of the Day

"Men at 25 plays football. Men at 40 plays tennis. Men at 60 plays golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller ?"

"Have you guys heard what kind of oil Fort McMurray is into these days? Turmoil"

"How many apples grow on a tree? All of them."

"What did Walter White teach? Advanced methematics."

"I tried killing a spider with glitter body spray. Now it won't stop stripping & I have to call it Cinnamon."

"*breaks glass* *pulls fire alarm* [outside] Great, now that you're all here, I want to correct this impression in the office that I'm weird."

"Fogged up my monocle while eating a soft-boiled egg. Had quite a chuckle. I imagine I won't forget it anytime soon."

"And the Oscar goes to... Jail."

"Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put the wrong sock on this morning."

"My iWatch says I masturbated for 6 miles today!!"