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Joke of the Day

"And the Oscar goes to... Jail."

"How do japanese chihuahuas say hello? Konichihuahua"

"What are the most athletic rodents? Track and field mice."

"A British engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well. He says prophets are going through the roof."

"[bankruptcy court] JUDGE: Didn't you do any financial planning? ME: *lips pressed on mic* Yes, your Honor, I was planning on having finances"

"First boy: Are you having a party for your birthday? Second boy: No I'm having a witch do. First boy: What's a witch do? Second boy: She flies around on a broomstick casting spells."

"Blackjack is a lot like my love life. I always hit on 16"

"A baby whale asks his father, ""Dad, where did I come from?"" The father replies, ""Well, I put my semen into your mother's vagina, and then you were born!"" ""Thanks, dad."" ""You're whalecum."""

"People who ignore your texts are probably just busy looking at pictures of you. Keep trying. It's not weird"

"Fire engines are painted red for camouflage, so they can sneak up on fires without being noticed"