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Joke of the Day

"You're right, strange woman giving me your opinion on having tattoos. I regret them right now because they caused you to talk to me."

"What would a scandal involving Microsoft be called? Gatesgate."

"Dreamed last night the world was running out of air. We figured out how to make it with carrots and broccoli. Al Gore, call me."

"I'm like the weatherman and all this snow lately... ...always telling them it's going to be 12 inches but really only giving them 2."

"There's a reason the iPhone autocorrects ""Yolo"" to ""tool."""

"I bought a dog from a blacksmith ..... As soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door."

"What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being raped by a giant scorpion."

"She left me alone in the house with Cupcakes cooling. Rookie mistake."

"Why is Adam known as the first accountant? He turned a leaf and made an entry."

"Everyone has something they do after sex like taking a shower. I just get out of my uncles car, and cry all the way home."