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Joke of the Day
"What goes great with noodles? COMPANY!"
Next Joke
"So called ""Trader"" Joe's wouldn't let me pay with furs or rum or even live birds."
"What's the hardest thing about roller blading? Hearing that fucking joke all day."
"Breaking News! President Putin have decided to restore Crimea territory to Ukraine. But President Poroshenko was so drunk and just declined the offer."
"What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? The wheelchair."
"What does NASCAR stand for? Non-athletic-sport-centered-around-rednecks (I heard this forever ago and wanted to share. Sorry if it happens to be a repost.)"
"Kill two birds with one stone. Kill two birds with two stones. Kill as many birds with as many stones as you want. We must eradicate birds."
"What do you call two banana peels on the floor? Slippers"
"Him: you look tired today Me: you look like you need a mouth that says better sentences"
"A fun dream I have is to stand in the middle of Comic-Con, yell ""What's so cool about Star Wars anyway?"", then jetpack through the ceiling."