228850

Joke of the Day

"Why aren't you allowed to smile when taking your driver IDs? Because you won't be smiling when the cops pull you over."

"I just saw a guy with leather pants get out of an IROC-Z. I wanted to say ""Welcome to the future, traveler. You're going to love it here!"""

"When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard My second thought is virgin wizard"

"What do you call a broken lizard? Ereptile dysfunction"

"job interview tip: show up wearig the exact same thing as ur interveiwer, whispre ""dress for the job u want, right?"" then just stare at them"

"My Gold plated butt-plug business is being sued by Apple. Apparently they have a patent for overpriced crap for arseholes."

"Seeing your ex go through what they put you through. Priceless.."

"I phoned the local gym... and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'"

"What do you call an organised rebellion with twice as many people as usual? A sedan d'etat."

"What's the best way to make money with a plus-size modeling agency? Life insurance policies."