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Joke of the Day

"Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote."

"To the guy who turned the entire first floor of his house into a giant ball pit - I will find you, and I will marry you"

"Why do Polish people's names end in 'ski'? Because they can't spell toboggan."

"I'm sick and tired of all the hipsters on /r/Gifs.. They're always saying things like.. ""The video was better""."

"*phone rings* Wife - ""Quick! Pretend I'm not in!"" Me - *strips naked and does running man* Wife - ""...."""

"churches should have punch cards and if you go ten times you get a free sandwich"

"Contrary To Popular Belief, Chuck Norris Won Super Bowl 46. By Phone"

"What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick? The hockey player takes a shower after three periods."

"The Earth is roughly 70% water and 30% haters"

"NPR recently started a heavy metal band. 'All Things Dismembered'"