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Joke of the Day

"*phone rings* Wife - ""Quick! Pretend I'm not in!"" Me - *strips naked and does running man* Wife - ""...."""

"My friend is working on a website and told me he wanted to use MySQL. Why can't he just use HisOwnSQL?"

"I'm drinking some pretty average tea... It's Mediocritea."

"I was driving today... And saw a sign that said, ""Steamed Crabs"". I began to wonder: ""What made them so mad?"""

"Every time your kid starts crying when they don't get what they want, just say ""I don't negotiate with terrorists."""

"I like my coffee how I like my women. With my dick in it! (Joke from Board James)"

"A horse walks into a bar he starts to panic and kick and shit all over the place sorry I'm no good at jokes. -- [@billcorbett](https://twitter.com/BillCorbett/status/592353920204156928)"

"Dear girls that go tanning, it's called 'sunkissed', it's not called 'dorito raped'."

"I invited a friend over after school. I told my mom he's my brother from another mother. My parents are now in the divorce process."

"How does a mathematician deal with constipation? He grabs a pencil and tries to work it out"