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Joke of the Day

"Wife walked into the bedroom. ""What the hell are you doing here in my white and gold dress?"" ""No honey, it s not what it looks like."""

"The weatherman keeps saying we are getting a pounding. *Followed*"

"What do you call a pig who overacts? A ham ham."

"The last girl I dated reminded me a lot of a cat, she would annoy me for attention, but ignore me once I gave it to her... ...the difference is that I never woke up with her asshole in my face."

"Donald Duck has been hanged... ...And is now in a state of suspended animation."

"A man gave me 79 protons Thanks for the gold!"

"I watched a documentary about the lives of beavers last night... It was the best dam movie I've ever seen."

"Real redneck woman. How do you know you're with a real redneck woman? She can put in a dip know what to spit and what to swallow."

"I bet you the first person to invent puzzles was a woman that ripped up a picture of her husband."

"May god bless German engineering, Italian cooking, and English humor. And may god damn Italian engineering, English cooking, and German humor."