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Joke of the Day

"I watched a documentary about the lives of beavers last night... It was the best dam movie I've ever seen."

"So /r/news and /r/The_Donald walk into a bar... [removed]"

"[couples therapy] ME: She thinks I make bad decisions WIFE: He traded our car for a skateboard THERAPIST: *writing notes* This guy rules"

"Q: Why is a dog's nose in the middle of it's face? - A: Because it's the scenter."

"Life is like a box of chocolates It ends sooner for fat people."

"Why didn't Spock do a mind meld with Frodo? Because he figured that would be a bad hobbit to get in to."

"What's another name for a hemorrhoid? A cock blocker"

"Jurassic Park III on AMC. 10 min. in, 2 young scientists studying dinosaur fossils. FOSSILS. Hey, 'member how THERE ARE ALIVE DINOSAURS NOW?"

"Really Smooth. I lied told my dad that school was canceled. He said,"" lets go see a movie."" We got in the car and he dropped me off at school."

"What does a dyslexic zombie say? Brian's ... Briiiiiiiiian's!!!"