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Joke of the Day

"What are the names of the first two men to get married under the new Irish gay marriage law? Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick"

"Don't move to Mars because of president-elect Trump. Last I checked, it was a red state."

"Have you heard the one about the ceiling? Nevermind, it's over your head"

"What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking in a house fire."

"My 3 moods: 1. I'm too tired for this shit 2. I'm too old for this shit 3. I'm too sober for this shit"

"Why do hipsters always burn their mouth when they eat? BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO EAT BEFORE IT WAS COOL!"

"So this smoke detector is trying to tell me the battery is so dangerously low that it can only beep 4000 times?"

"Marriage in New Jersey should be between a tan and a woman."

"Why are dogs such terrible dancers? They have two left feet."

"What did the baby Jew say to the Mohel hooker? Keep the tip"