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Joke of the Day

"Imagine this: you're home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers ""Bless you"" and hangs up"

"I was on my knees all night, screwing this nut from behind... ...when I woke up this morning, my hands were really sore."

"The worst thing you could hear after orally pleasing Willie Nelson. I'm not Willie Nelson."

"My ex-wife still misses me BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER! HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER! Ya see its funny because marriage is terrible."

"Having a one night stand with a beautiful woman (NSFW) and she says, ""Give me 9 inches and hurt me."" So I fucked her 3 times and I slapped her."

"I downloaded the Pinterest app and now my phone is stuck in a mason jar."

"Dear ladies, if you want to have more free time and have fun on the weekends, teach your men fishing!"

"People keep accusing me of using the wrong words in my sentences. It's like everyone in my life has turned into a grandma nazi."

"Sea jokes aren't for little kids. They're too salty."

"Q: What did the first stoplight say to the second stoplight? A: Don't look I'm changing!!"