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Joke of the Day

"To all those that received a book from me for a Christmas present They're due back at the library today."

"*puts message in a bottle *stares longingly out at sea and throws it in *gets tazed and arrested for littering"

"I just swept a girl off her feet. I'm quite an aggressive janitor."

"I swallow at least one note per meal that says ""we're all really proud of you,"" in case the person who does my autopsy is having a bad day."

"While everyone was fighting the walkers... ...who was keeping an eye on Corral?"

"What did the letter F say when he became cool? Sup G?"

"How amazing is Michael Phelps? He's got like a Brazilian Medals."

"Why are politicians buried 6 feet under? Because deep down, they're good people."

"What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two and now it's offensive to talk about."

"Two Nuns walking down the street...when a streaker.. Two Nuns walking down the street... when a streaker runs past, one of them had a stroke..........the other couldn't reach..."