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Joke of the Day

"DATE: *gets in car* ME: hi *starts driving* DATE: how's it going? ME: first, gas is sparked in the combustion chamber to push the pistons"

"What idiot called it a book shelf instead of a know ledge?"

"A Lion Air flight which overshot a runway in Bali crash landed in the ocean Saturday... and now it's just Lion there."

"Now that Jeremy Lin is playing so well for the Knicks.. It appears that the NBA is now a Black/Thai affair."

"What did the surrealist butcher name his shop? Salvador Deli"

"What's an undertaker's favorite element? Barium!"

"""Will you just be doing simple abductions? Do you need soundproofing? Shackle package?"" - van salesman"

"I can't be the only person who hears the phone ringing and says ""oh fuck, what NOW?"""

"This kitten is just what my house needed. Another female that doesn't listen to me."

"'Come over,' she begged. 'I need you right now!' 'Just turn it off and on again,' he sighed. He hated these late night rebooty calls."