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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear the newspaper headline about the escaped lunatic who raped a woman and ran away? ""Nut screws and bolts""."

"Did you hear they are still going to run the New York Marathon? Phelps is the favourite."

"*wears a tuxedo tshirt to interview as a joke* McDonald's Manager: Oh wow, are you from corporate?"

"Saturday in my 20's: ""Nice, this club is hot! gimme a Vodka tonic!"" Tonight: ""Nice, grocery store is empty, ooh I got coupon for that !!"""

"Raise your arms and run through the police crime scene tape like you're finishing a marathon."

"I before E except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbour."

"Why don't you feel the need to wear a seat belt when taking a cab? Because there is a doctor driving."

"I recently started the new Brexit diet So far I've lost hundreds of millions of pounds."

"A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the hole and she was happy with the thing."

"Why doesn't Usain Bolt have a girlfriend? Because he's literally the fastest man on earth (get it cuz sex)"