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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas."

"How do black people die from a drive by? Everytime someone screams ""get down! "" they stand up and start dancing!"

"im an exhausting person to be around but once you get to knnow me im actually a giant shithead with irredeemable mouth"

"Why hasn't there been a coup in the United States? Because they don't have a US Embassy."

"I love how people always leave voicemails when I miss their calls. It's like they want to be ignored twice."

"My friend's been dating Tim Howard She told me he's a keeper."

"""Act your age!"" I yell at my 11 year-old daughter as I put on my Captain America t-shirt."

"[slowly rises from trashcan while 2 friends are making plans without me] i am also free that day."

"Did you hear about the failed mission to Antarctica? Their journey went south."

"Where do polar bears go to have emotional breakthroughs? The CathArctic."